25 Simple Mindset Shifts That Will Change Your Life: Part 1 of 2

It’s accurate to say I’ve dedicated much time to looking back on my life and reverse engineering how I got to where I am today, with intention. In hindsight, I am also able to see all the choices I made along the way—without judgement, without labeling them as good or bad— and reflect on how they impacted my life and contributed to me becoming the person I currently am, as well as how they shape the person I am becoming.. 

If I were to pull out some of the biggest mindset shifts from the Journey of Self I’ve been on for over half a decade and put them all in one place, it would be this post. These are the kind of shifts that will completely change your perspective AND your life. 

In no particular order…

1. Replacing, “Why is this happening to me?” with: “What is this teaching me?”

Everything we experience in life shapes us. When life presents you with times of contrast, struggles, hardships, challenges, and pain, if your go-to thought or question is, “Why is this happening to me,” making this one simple change may be all you need to shift your perspective (more on how life isn’t happening to you in number 10). When we reframe that to instead ask, “What is this teaching me,” we are approaching it from another angle. The ability to look at every experience as an opportunity for growth and expansion is priceless. Sometimes, when we are so close to something, it’s difficult to see the lesson. Sometimes we don’t want to see the lesson. Do your best to step back and look at the bigger picture, to embrace your ability to live as a lifelong student, always learning. 

2. Replacing, “I have to do this” with: “I get to do this”

Think in your head of something you currently view as a chore—as something you have to do. Perhaps it’s something you don’t particularly love or enjoy doing, but for some reason, you must do it. The dishes, maybe. Or laundry. So, instead of telling yourself (or others), “I have to do laundry”, what would happen if you reframed it as, “I get to do laundry”? Now I’m looking at things in a whole new way. Now I’m thinking of how grateful I am for the clothes my family and I have to wear. I’m grateful for a home to keep them in. I get the opportunity to mindfully sort and wash our clothes, taking care of them the best way possible so they stay in nice condition. I get to ensure delicates and favorites are treated so, and nothing ends up in the dryer that is meant to be laid flat. I get to inspect the condition of each garment as I origami fold it or place it on a hanger, making sure the quality control is up to personal standards with each load. I get to create a tidy and organized closet and dresser that bring me joy when I walk in or open a drawer. I get to have clean clothes and linens. I get to feel the benefits of being on top of my laundry game. You can do this with anything you’re in the habit of or catch yourself saying, “I have to do this” about. 

3. Replacing, “I’m sorry…”

This was a big one for me, reprogramming my subconscious to stop saying I was sorry for everything. I didn’t even realize how significantly my life was being impacted by my over-apologizing. I also didn’t realize there was a deeper meaning behind it. Here are some examples of what it might look like:

(approaching someone) “I’m sorry to bother you, I noticed your backpack is unzipped and your book is about to fall out”

(approaching sales associate) “I’m sorry, can you please tell me where the belts are?”

(on road trip with others) “Can we please pull over, I have to use the restroom. I’m sorry.”

(arrives shortly after eta) “Sorry I’m late”

Here’s the thing, look at each situation and ask yourself, did I actually do anything wrong? Does this warrant an apology? Sometimes we over-apologize because we are in the habit of doing so, maybe because we’ve been around others who also over-apologize. Sometimes we do it because we are people pleasing, worrying too much about what other people think, feeling low self-esteem, dealing with perfectionism. Over-apologizing can actually dilute the meaningfulness of a true apology. There are times when an, “I’m sorry” is totally appropriate: you accidentally stepped on your daughter’s toe or your hand knocked a glass of water onto your roommate’s notebook. But for all those other times, what would happen if you said, “Hello, I noticed your backpack is unzipped and your book is about to fall out.” “Hi, can you please tell me where the belts are?” “I have to use the restroom. It would be amazing if we could please pull over.” “Thank you for your patience!” 

4. Replacing, “I was rejected” with: “I was redirected”

While you may not always say those words to yourself, “I was rejected,” you likely have experienced feeling that way. Rejected at work, in life, in relationships. Your idea, offer, proposal, submission, rejected. What if you shifted that perspective to realize that it wasn’t rejection, it was redirection. Ego has you feeling rejected, but Higher Self understands this is happening for your highest good. When you trust and believe that things are always working out for you, then you know that closed doors are actually opportunities to discover a different path, one that is more in alignment with who you are becoming. They’re protecting you from what’s not meant for you. Remember these important mantras for practicing non-attachment: What is meant for me will always be for me, and I don’t want what is meant for someone else. Whether that’s a job, a home, a lover, or anything else.

5. Replacing, “I need energy drinks/coffee/caffeine to function” with: “Water is what keeps my mind/body functioning at its best”

This is for everyone who makes the claim they can’t survive without their daily fix. I call B.S. (Belief System); yes, you can. I used to believe that I needed—no, had to have—one or two energy drinks a day. Every day. For years, I felt a dependency on them. Maybe for you or a loved one, it’s coffee or soda. I remember, at the height of my energy drink addiction, having a dear friend who always had a huge insulated cup of water. Everywhere they went, every time they came over. It was mostly all they drank. They would constantly refill it throughout the day. It certainly shined a light on how little water I was drinking (hardly any at all). At first, I didn’t want water. It seemed boring and tasteless. Besides, how was this stuff that was basically nothing going to give me energy? Once I made the decision (as part of an overall health and wellness plan) to incorporate more water into my daily routine, I began to affirm and see the positive difference it was making in my life. I eventually weened myself completely off the daily energy drinks and the somewhat regular sodas. Now, I have a water bottle with me everywhere I go and continually refill it throughout the day. I feel calm, relaxed, focused, energized, and hydrated; no more jitteriness, anxiousness, irritability, or feelings of dependency that came with the other stuff. This isn't to say don't ever enjoy a cup of coffee again; rather, if you don't believe you can survive the day without it, consider a mindset shift.

6. Replacing, “I am (emotion)” with: ”I am feeling (emotion)”

Have you ever said: I am angry, I am depressed, I am scared, I am anxious? We are not our emotions, so why do we say things like this? We can practice emotional intelligence by bringing awareness to our emotions (emotions = energy in motion), but not defining ourselves by them. By acknowledging that we are feeling the emotion, we are able to separate ourselves from it and gain perspective on what we can do, or how we can be, to regulate how we are feeling. For example, you can create a list of things to do when you are feeling anxious, like take deep breaths, go for a walk in nature, listen to classical music. Then, anytime you experience an emotion (a physiological experience or state of awareness that gives you information about the world) that results in you feeling anxious (feeling = awareness of emotion), you can come back to that list and implement. 

7. Replacing, “I don’t have time for it” with: “I don’t prioritize time for it”

This is a simple swap: instead of saying, “I don’t have time for it,” say, “I don’t prioritize time for it,” and see how that feels. Does it change things? You may say you don’t have time to exercise, and it feels true when you say it, that you don’t. But if you say, “I don’t prioritize time to exercise,” that might spark different emotions inside you. I don’t have time vs. I don’t prioritize time can be an effective way to gain insight into where our priorities lie. Use this to analyze if it’s in alignment with what you say your priorities are. This kind of shadow work is so beneficial in reclaiming your life. Are you spending your time doing things that you want? Doing things that light up your soul? Doing things you love? Doing things that matter? Doing things that move the needle? Doing things that are getting you closer to your goals?

8. Replacing, “What will people say” with: “How does it make me feel”

What will people say if I get a divorce? >> How will getting a divorce make me feel about life and about myself? What will people say if we start homeschooling? >> How do I feel spending every day with my children, learning and growing together? What will people say if they see me start this new business? >> How do I feel knowing I’m going after my dreams all in? What will people say if I wear this bold outfit? >> How do I feel when I look in the mirror and see myself wearing this? When you stop worrying about what other people might think or say, and you shift your focus to how you feel, you really begin to liberate yourself. You come into alignment with your most authentic self. You’re no longer living for the approval or validation of others. Now, you’re validating, approving and accepting yourself. Remember this mantra: Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. Living your life in fear of the judgements of others is exhausting; I know, I’ve lived it. But I’ve learned that the less you judge others, the less you feel judged by others. Do you, let others do them. Respect yourself, respect others. It’s really that simple. 

9. Replacing, “I’ll be happy when…” with: “I choose to be happy now”

Ah, yes. The good ole, “I’ll be happy when…” Happiness tied to a bag full of conditions. I’ll be happy when this happens, when that happens, when I get there, when I go here, when I do this, when I have that, when I meet them, when xyz. If you find yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…”, this is your reality check: you’re not ever gonna get there. Sure, you may experience temporary highs, fleeting moments of happiness, but true happiness is a choice. Because what happens when the things don’t happen, or they do but then you lose them or they go away? Then you’re left feeling pretty un-happy, maybe even angry, mad or sad. On the other hand, when all of these conditions do not have to be met in order for you to feel joy, that’s when you experience unconditional happiness. This is the kind that is generated from within. The kind no one can take away. The kind you can create regardless of external conditions. You’re happy simply because you choose to be.

10. Replacing, “Life is happening to me” with:  “Life is happening for me”

Another example of how changing one word can create an entire perspective shift. Everything is happening as it should, when it should. The entire universe is conspiring to give you exactly what you want. Everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for. Bear in mind, we must release attachment to a specific outcome and learn to trust the process. Trust the beautiful unfolding of our lives. When we understand that life is happening for us, we understand that everything is happening in divine right time. You are not ahead, and you are not behind; you are exactly where you are meant to be. Things are being sorted behind the scenes for your greatest good. When we release the need to figure everything out and choose to open our minds and our hearts to the infinite possibilities that exist, many of which are beyond the realm of anything our human minds can conjure up, we create the space for things to work out even better than we imagined. 

11. Replacing, “Life is happening to me” with: “Life is responding to me”

Similar to number ten and number one; similar, but different. When you understand that everything is energy, everything (including your thoughts) has a vibration and everything vibrates on a certain frequency, then you understand that you are attracting to you the people, places, situations and experiences that are a vibrational match to you. Like attracts like; it is law, it can be no other way. This means that if you want to experience life differently, you must first change your vibration. Life is responding to the vibrations that you put out. It’s important to focus only on what you want, because if you focus on what you don’t want, that’s exactly what you may end up attracting to you.

12. Replacing, “It is good/bad” with: “It is”

There’s a story I’ve heard a couple times that brilliantly explains this one, most recently in Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty, and it’s his version I will share:

There’s an old Taoist parable about a farmer whose horse ran away. “How unlucky!” his brother tells him. The farmer shrugs. “Good thing, bad thing, who knows,” he says. A week later, the wayward horse finds its way home, and with it is a beautiful wild mare. “That’s amazing!” his bother says, admiring the horse with no small envy. Again, the farmer is unmoved. “Good thing, bad thing, who knows,” he says. A few days later, the farmer’s son climbs up on the mare, hoping to tame the wild beast, but the horse bucks and rears, and the boy, hurled to the ground, breaks a leg. “How unlucky!” his bother says with a tinge of satisfaction. “Good thing, bad thing, who knows,” the farmer replies again. The next day, the men of the village are called into military service, but because the son’s leg is broken, he is excused from the draft. His brother tells the farmer that this, surely, is the best news of all. “Good thing, bad thing, who knows,” the farmer says. 

Everything leads to something else. Even when we don’t yet know or understand what that may be. 

Click here to read Part 2 of 25 Simple Mindset Shifts That Will Change Your Life.