9 More Simple Life-Changing Mindset Shifts: Part 3 of a 2-Part Series

With the holiday season upon us, another mindset shift that I didn’t include in my recently posted list of 25 came to mind. And then another, and another. That’s when I realized I could create a third article to accompany the original two posts. 

So, without further ado, I share with you a few more mindset shifts that may possibly change your perspective and your life. 

1. Replacing Giving Presents with Giving Presence

When it comes to gifts, it truly is better to give than to receive. There’s no doubt I love gifting to others, but over the past few years, I’ve made a shift in the way I gift. What your family and friends really want, more than your presents, is your presence. To spend time with you when you are fully present with them—not distracted, not half paying attention, not on your phone, not scanning the room with your eyes as they talk, not thinking about what you have to do tomorrow or something that happened last week while you’re together. To give the gift of being fully present in the moment with someone is beautiful. If you’re thinking, “Yeah, this is a great idea, but I don’t want to show up to a birthday or holiday empty handed,” consider gifting experiences. A mani/pedi together, a trip to the spa together, a movie date, a trip to the bookstore to choose any book they like, a picnic and a hike. And then, when you’re together, give them the gift of your undivided attention.

2. Replacing Time Out with Time In

This one relates more specifically to parenting. When the girls were toddlers, I was still in the “time out” head space. When they were reacting to big emotions, like anger, jealousy, frustration, determination, with actions like yelling, arguing, crying, having a tantrum, I was punishing them by sending them to time out. It wasn’t until they were 3 and 5 and I got divorced and began an intentional Journey of Self that I began to rethink my parenting style. I set out to consciously seek new philosophies, educate myself on emotional intelligence, and implement new parenting habits. When we send children to time out, it is a punishment. They are sent to be alone with their big emotions, and we are giving them the message that we are going to ignore them when they are not behaving in the way we want them to. What are we teaching them, and why do we do this? Maybe that’s how you were parented, or maybe they use time outs at your child’s day care, so you carry it over to home. Either way, it’s teaching children that they’re not safe to feel all their feelings (similar to a parent telling a child, “Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about”…this does not help a child to feel safe.). Time ins, on the other hand, create an opportunity for children and parent/caregiver to discover and identify the feelings behind the big emotions and learn to manage and regulate. You’re likely familiar with a time out—child is punished in isolation for a set amount of time, sometimes without access to any games, toys, or comforts. But what’s a time in? A tool for connecting before correcting. A designated area in the home where child has items they can use to help regulate their emotions (hug a stuffed animal, play with a fidget, read a book, drink a glass of water, do a puzzle, etc.). A space that makes it safe for children to feel all their feelings. A place that is near adults who will co-regulate with them. A time in is an opportunity for reflection, learning and healing. A time for deep breaths, building social and emotional intelligence, empowering children, and raising caring and confident little humans. There's no yelling, no raising of voices, no punishments. Only conscious parenting. It’s leading with love, empathy, compassion, and by example. It’s being the kind of parent you needed when you were your child’s age.

3. From being The Most Interesting Person to The Most Interested Person

Online or in person, what would happen if you went from focusing on being the most interesting person in the room (real or virtual) to being the most interested? Instead of doing all the talking, you began listening. Instead of trying to see how many people you can impress, you see how much you can learn by asking questions and being a good listener. There’s something magical that happens when you stop making it about you and shift that attention onto others. Everyone knows something you don’t. And remember, you never know who you may be talking to. The most unexpected person may be the one who holds the key to unlock the door to the next level of your life. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Be a student of life. Listen—like, really listen; if you’re just waiting for your turn to talk, you’re missing the point.

4. From Carnivore to Herbivore

This is so much more than “I stopped eating meat.” It’s a lifestyle choice. One that has brought me more peace, calm, connection, and contentment than I ever dreamt possible. It’s far beyond food choices. This has been a blessing of karmic proportions. If you’re reading this say, “Yeah, that’s nice and all, but I could never…” SAME. That’s what I said, too. I share my story here; it may not be what you think, so check it out. 

5. Replacing Always Available with Protecting My Energy

I remember the days when I was “always available.” In fact, I’ve got a few years worth of photos to show for it. That was the period of time when I wore/lived in wearable tech. Specifically, it was earpieces and headsets for my phone. They stayed in my ear and/or around my neck. I was a workaholic at the time, and the earpieces/headsets made it so simple for me to “multitask”. I could work and take calls, and work and talk, and it seemed like such a great thing at the time. Then one day I realized that every photo I had with my children, at festivals, parks, parades, you name it, I had this huge plastic electronic attached to my body. It was always on, because I was always on. Always on the clock, always prioritizing work, and under the belief that the wearables were making my life easier. But the truth is, they weren’t. All that ‘being connected’ actually made me less connected to the people I was with (remember number 1, Giving Presence?). I had people in my life who would send a text and get impatient if they didn't receive an immediate reply, saying, “Why don't they answer me?! You know they have their phone on them!” So I took that as, “I need to answer every phone call and text immediately or my clients/customers/friends/family might get mad at/upset with me. I need to be available instantly and all the time.” Here’s the truth, no I don’t. And neither do you. These days, I make the conscious choice not to wear an Apple watch or the equivalent. I don’t want to be always accessible. I don’t want to always be connected to the digital world. I LOVE being unplugged. I understand that things like completing rings and other quantitative information you can get from them may be helpful to some, but I don’t want to know every time my phone chimes. I don’t want to read every text or notification the minute it comes through. In fact, I have almost all my notifications turned off. I keep text and my affirmation app notifications turned on, and that’s it. Not even my email pushes notifications through. Why? Because I am in control of what I give my time and attention to. I don’t have to look at every email the minute it comes through; I can set aside X minutes a day to check them all at once. I decide when I am in the right space (physically, mentally, emotionally, locationally, energetically, time-wise) to check notifications. I decide when to check in to a social media app, my business accounts, my email, etc. I set aside time each day to tend to my business, but it is on my terms, guilt free. My stress level declined SO drastically once I officially went notification-free. Because that was the day I took control of my life. That was the day I said, “I get to choose who/what gets my energy and attention, and when.” And because I understand the importance of responding to non-time-sensitive notifications when I have the proper energy to do so, I don’t take it personally when someone else takes their time in replying back to my non-time-sensitive correspondence either. This is just another way I practice Self Love and treat others the way I want to be treated. With respect, patience, compassion and empathy.

6. Replacing More with Less

In a consumer-driven world where we’re constantly bombarded with newer, bigger and better, more of this, more of that, the idea of embracing a more minimalistic way of life may seem archaic or boring to some. Having lived on both sides of this fence, I can definitively say, less really is more. It’s not boring, it’s empowering. The things you own, own you. Check out this post on becoming more with less.

7. Replacing, “What’s wrong?”

When we ask, “What’s wrong?”, we are focusing on the negative. It’s inviting people to complain or list everything that’s not okay. If someone is visibly upset, sad, or expresses that they are, instead of asking, “What’s wrong?”, try asking, “What happened?”, “What’s going on?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Do you want to talk?”, “Are you okay?” Can you see the difference in the quality of these questions and the way they will impact the person you’re talking to?

Another way we use “What’s wrong?” is when thinking about ourselves and our life. What’s wrong with me? Let me stop you right there—nothing is wrong with you. What if you started asking, “What’s right?” If you shifted the focus to all the things you have to be grateful for? If you began to list all the things you’re dong an amazing job at? If you brought awareness and attention to all your positive and beautiful and wonderful qualities, traits, attributes, and actions? Sure, we all have areas where we can improve, and it’s healthy and smart to have conscious awareness of what areas those are and work on them. 

8. Replacing, “I hate ‘that time of the month’” with: “I love and honor my cycle”

I’ve only ever lived in America, so I can’t speak of other parts of the world, but I know growing up in the US, periods are a major market. From ads on TV to articles in teen magazines hating on “Aunt Flo”, you’re raised to hate everything about menstruation. You’re programmed to believe that cramps and PMS are all part of it. I used to be a “victim” of my period. I’d blame mood swings and miserableness, attitude and apathy, breakouts and bawling my eyes out all on my period. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a mindset shift, like I explain in more detail here, I went from "woe is me” to “Woah, it’s me, in all my sacredness!” When I began to honor my cycle and my womb—when I stopped blaming it—my entire world changed. My entire experience changed for the better, and it’s been life changing in all the best ways. If you are in the stage of your life where you are menstruating or will be one day, please know and understand that this can be one of the most pure and natural monthly events. Even if you don’t menstruate yourself, this mindset can be extended to those in your life who do. It doesn’t have to be a negative. It doesn’t have to be a dreaded ‘time of the month’. It can be a beautiful expression of life and fertility.

9. Replacing Multitasking with Mindfulness

I was once the self-appointed queen of multitasking, and when I look back at that stage of my life today, I realize that it was the most inefficient way I could have been living. But man, at the time, it was a lifestyle. Remember in the Part 1/2 of this article when I talked about wearing busy like a badge of honor? Those were the days when I thought multitasking was the answer. But it’s not. Because all you’re doing is spreading yourself too thin, giving each project, person, task or responsibility your partial attention. More mistakes are made, less attention is given, stress is higher, and your brain feels like the old computer with a hundred windows open at once. Performance suffers. Have you ever been on the phone with someone who is multitasking? They lose their train of thought every 30-45 seconds. They’re having a conversation with you then say something that makes you go, “Huh?”, to which they reply, “Oh, I was a talking to someone else.” Multitaskers are always misplacing things, forgetting things, feeling frantic and behind. Conversely, bringing a sense of mindfulness to everything you do is a breath of fresh air. It's giving your sole focus to one thing at a time. And energy flows where attention goes, so imagine how much you will thrive when your attention is like a laser beam instead of like a fragmented ray of light bouncing in 50 different directions at once.

Life is beautiful. It truly is about the journey, not the destination. I openly share my experiences because I’ve gotten to where I am today by others sharing their’s. Am I telling you that you must make all 34 of these mindset shifts to be happy? No, of course not. But I am telling you that these 34 mindset shifts drastically altered the quality of my life. I invite you to explore them a little further. Try them out, maybe one or two to start, and see what happens. Perception is reality, and if the way you perceive the world changes, the way you experience the world will also change.