Vegan, Plant Based and Beyond: Day 2 Exploring My Shadows and Sharing

What does it mean to be plant based? In my life, anyway. Allow me to explain…

Remember Day One of “I’m gonna share my shadows”—well, this will be Day Two: Vegan.

For ten years, I witnessed my sister be a vegetarian, all the while saying, “I could never be a vegetarian!” Funny how we say never, isn’t it. I will always remember the moment I changed my mind.

I went from being a carnivore to an herbivore just like that; one minute I was platter-ing up the crawfish, the next, I was putting them back in the bag, deciding I didn’t ever want to consume animals again.

So, what changed? How did I go from a hard no to an ‘all in' in an instant??

My perspective got shifted. By my daughter, who was 6 at the time. When I put the platter down in front of her, she almost instantly started crying. There was a group of three crawfish, in various sizes (including a very small one), right by each other, and she recognized them to be a family with a baby.

Through her tears, she said, “We killed a family!”, and I felt my heart contract. She was right. 

And I didn’t even realize at the time in how many ways this decision would positively impact my life. This decision that I had been RESISTING for so long. Yes, I said it—resisting. For the past few months, I was being given so many signs that kept pointing to a vegan lifestyle. Yet I resisted. Time and time again.

Yoga and meditation had just become new daily practices for me around six months prior, and as I began to immerse myself in those worlds, the universe continued to try to get my attention through posts and ads in my timeline, signage or literature, tuning into a specific line of a conversation happening around me, songs, you name it. Some of them seemed as obvious as a person looking directly at me saying, “The time has come for you to become vegan, Kelly.” Lol

But I resisted. I even remember saying to myself, “Me, vegan? Yeah, right!”. I continued to default to that old belief system, “I could never…” 

As this journey has taught me: what you resist, persists; therefore, the seed had been planted, even though I wasn’t creating the environment to allow it grow. 

Every time the sunlight of my consciousness was being shined on a vegan lifestyle, I threw up a wall of reasons why I could never, blocking the light and keeping those seeds in the shadows.

And remember, I am writing this series is a safe space to share my own shadows, with the hope that this will better help you to acknowledge, understand, accept, embrace, love, and own yours. Because this is where the real transformation happens—in the shadows. Transformation on the deepest levels. 

So in that moment of witnessing the most pure, innocent, beautiful display of emotions by my daughter, I saw the world through her eyes. I realized that just because I had gone my entire life believing one thing, it didn’t mean I couldn’t change my beliefs. 

Through my yoga and meditation practices, I was really beginning to understand that everything is connected; we are all connected. What you do to one affects the whole. I was seeing the world through different eyes. The views were brighter and the horizons more hopeful. There was more love and more light. And I realized that I did not need to kill another animal for the rest of my days to survive and thrive in this lifetime.

So, I did it. I became vegan, just like that. And I never looked back.

Well, not exactly. I actually did look back. Here’s where the what-did-I-do kicked in.

So I was 100% committed to being vegan right out the gate. And understand before we go any further, “VEGAN” is actually what one of my shadows is, which is why you don’t ever hear me call myself vegan any more (I did in the beginning though). I eat vegan food, yes, but I do not call myself vegan. And here’s why:

Vegan is a label, to some degree. A label that is great and helpful when identifying foods and products that don’t contain any animal in them. But to attach it to myself probably wasn’t the right choice. Because what does it even mean?

That all depends on perspective, friends. I was choosing only vegan foods/products (to the best of my knowledge), but my car had leather interior. My sofas are leather. I have a fur stole that belonged to grandmother and has her monogram inside. I had wool and cashmere sweaters. All these material things that were in my life when I was living under a different belief system. But they weren’t aligned with who I was now. But they were grandfathered in, in a way. And I was okay with that.

But here’s the thing. It made me feel uneasy. Because I’m wearing leather boots; you know, the ones you are happy pay more for because they’re made of genuine leather, which is desirable, right? Again, that depends on your desires. And mine shifted. But here I am, calling myself vegan, sitting on leather seats and wearing leather boots. It didn’t feel right. Hence the what-did-I-do feeling.

So at first, I came back and shared on my Instagram profile this same thought, and said that vegetarian would more accurately describe me. And understand, that didn’t have to do with the foods I was eating changing, it was simply because I didn’t like the way it felt to call myself vegan and also be wearing animals. 

I’m sure you’ve heard me say this a time or two thousand: thoughts become things. Because I wasn’t affirming that I was vegan anymore, but rather vegetarian now, that’s what I ended up moving towards for a bit. 

Let me lay out a few more details before we continue. I made this choice for myself. I did not push this choice on my girls. They were always given the option to chose what they wanted to eat. Of course they now had vegan options, but I still bought them cheese and meat if that’s what they wanted. There was not pressure or shame or guilt, only space for them to decide what was right for them.

It’s also important to relate that I didn’t learn how to cook until going plant based. I am completely serious. I wasn’t raised around cooking, and I didn’t develop an interest in learning how to do it until I reached this marvelous milestone in my life. So up until that point, eating for me throughout my entire life always looked like frozen foods, instant foods, canned foods, fast foods and eating out. 

Mind you, I made ‘healthy' frozen food, instant food, canned food, fast food, eating out choices, but that didn’t change the fact that I was predominately feeding myself and my children heavily processed foods full of chemicals on consistent basis.

And it’s worth noting that I began having major gut health issues (the kind that send you to doctors for procedures) starting in middle school. These continued throughout college and beyond, often so severe that I wasn’t able to go to work or had to leave work mid-shift because I was in so much pain. Never, at the time, was I making the connection between my diet, my gut health, my emotional health and my mental health.

And this actually deserves an entire post on it’s own, but I’ll throw it in here quickly to give you a comprehensive view on the ways this choice has benefited my life. By incorporating yoga, meditation, breath work and plant based living, my gut health is at an all time high, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally healthier than I’ve ever been, and I live in a pain-free, easily flexible and mobile body (which is drastically different than the way I had been experiencing life leading up to this point). Gratitude level 100.

I also started cooking when I went plant based. That’s actually what lit the fire inside me to want to learn. I wanted to be able to feel good about what I was feeding myself and my family. I wanted whole foods from the earth over processed foods from a factory. So I learned. And I invited my girls into the kitchen with me. And now we cook together. And sometimes they surprise me and cook for us on their own. It’s amazing, and I love it so much!

So about a year and a half after I transitioned, both my daughters decided they were ready to be vegetarian. They had slowly been transitioning away from meat and realized that they really weren’t eating it much at home at all, if ever—usually just when they went into my parents’ house and shared some of whatever my mom had made my dad and her for supper. 

Another side note: The girls and I live in an apartment on my parent’s property, which has been wonderful for a million different reasons, and although a vegan lifestyle wasn’t something that appealed to them, they respected and accepted that it was important to me on my journey, and they have been so extremely supportive of it from day one. And for that, I am grateful. 

In the same way, I respect my own girls and their decisions. And when they decided on their own, that became their truth, not mine. 

But back to affirming vegetarian because ‘vegan’ made me feel like a ‘hypocrite’. So now that the girls were vegetarian, and I was using that word to describe myself, too, I began moving in that direction. For a period of time, I went from a sole vegan diet to 85% vegan / 15% vegetarian. 

What does that mean? Actually, what does a vegan diet mean? Maybe I’ll start there because I have definitely learned that a good amount of humans really aren’t clear. I know because I was one of them for most my life:) 

A vegan diet doesn’t include any meat/bones/body parts from any animal, including fish or shellfish, or anything that comes from an animal (like dairy products, eggs, honey).

A vegetarian diet doesn’t include any meat/bones/body parts from any animal, including fish or shellfish; however, it does include milk, eggs, cheese, butter, honey, etc.

85:15 for me meant, mainly, that I was eating eggs again. I cooked them for the girls and would also make them for me. We all prefer oat milk over cow milk, but I was eating some of the greek yogurt I bought them, or sharing something with cheese with them. An ice cream or donut when I felt like it. Basically, I was relaxing on the dairy part. 

In the meantime, of all the vegan/vegetarian eating, I was slowly and very intentionally transitioning my entire lifestyle into a vegan-friendly one. Part of the feeling of ‘hypocrite’ was because I realized, like I said, that I was calling myself vegan based on my eating habits, but I wasn’t using all vegan products in my home, so the label didn’t describe me as a person, even though I was sometimes using it that way. That’s the thing about labels, they are so darn tricky. Probably why it’s best to avoid using them…

One product at a time, I was replacing all the brands I had always used with new brands that were aligned with my new belief system. Moving forward, I only wanted to use products that are safe, non-toxic, clean, eco-friendly, and vegan
(here, I love the label). 

This was not a quick task, my friends, because I was moving through uncharted waters. I was approaching my shopping choices from a brand new perspective—one I hadn’t considered before now. Previously, I shopped based on convenience, price, impulse, trends, etc. 

But now, now it was a different story. I experienced a paradigm shift, and I wasn’t the same person I was then. I was growing, I was changing, I was evolving, I was transforming. And the person I was becoming desired something more aligned with her values. It became a quest to discover brands who were showing up in this world in a way that spoke to my soul.

As you seek, so shall you find. Through synchronicities, research, and following the signs, I began finding exactly that. And the more I transitioned every product into a vegan one, the more aligned I felt. I raised my standards and the universe met me there. 

I now use brands that I actually LOVE. We’re talking, LOVE LOVE. Like, love-to-talk-about-them-to-strangers-because-I-love-their-products-and-I-believe-in-the-brand-mission kind of love.

That’s not something I felt before. Let me put it to you this way, I didn’t use to get excited about my deodorant or eyebrow pencil. You feel me? I didn’t care. But now I do. I care about myself, unconditionally. And I care about my body. And I care about my overall health. And I care about my family’s overall health. And I care about the environment. And I certainly care about all the sweet animals on this beautiful planet. 

I’ll be the first to tell you that I used to kill spiders, ants, mosquitos, roaches, wasps, snakes, mice. Or, more often, I would ask someone else to do it because I was afraid of them. 

If you’ve been following my journey on Instagram for a while, then you’ve likely heard me share stories of how that has changed. These days, and for the past 4+ years since transitioning to plant based, not only do I avoid killing any living animal/insect/bug/arachnid/etc, but I will use my hands to relocate most all of them. That, or let them be (thanking them for their message), without telling anyone (who may be afraid of them and want to kill them) of seeing them (thinking of times I’ve seen big snakes around or a cute little mouse). 

Yes, I pick up spiders and roaches with my hands. And I don’t think it’s gross or weird. If someone sees one and wants to kill it, I would much rather run over and get it to let it back into nature than watch them squish it. If I’m ever in the wrong place at the wrong time, minding my own business and not hurting anyone, I like to believe someone will extend the same compassion to me.

I had an amazing and life changing experience right after I first removed animals from my diet. I aligned with a group who met every week to learn about Native American spirituality under the beautiful guidance of Michael Running Bear, who shared the teachings of the shaman he spent decades with. The stories were mystical. The energy was unmatched. 

We learned about the medicine wheel and spirit animals and power animals and scared rituals, ceremonies and practices. We learned about ancestors and healing and traveling through space and time into alternate dimensions through shamanic solo drumming journeys. And the connection I felt to Mother Nature and every single thing in this universe was more powerful than anything I had known before. 

I knew with every ounce of my soul that I did not come into this earthly body to kill or consume animals. Rather, I came to be a friend to the animals, to talk to them, to learn from them, to nurture them. I came to be one with them, to live in harmony with them, to love them.

My time connecting with Native American beliefs and practices confirmed what I felt; I was on the right path, making the right choices for myself. 

Circling back around, let’s talk labels. So how do I best describe my lifestyle today? Plant based. Yep, that’s what feels right to me.

I eat vegan foods. Almost exclusively. However, when my 11 year old daughter, who is an incredible kid baker, comes up with a new recipe or makes something she’s super excited about, I’ll try a bite! I love to support her. And I also appreciate that she always makes vegan options, as well. Not only for us at home, but every event she has set up her stand at, she has offered vegan sweets on her menu. 

I use vegan health, beauty, skin/hair products. Almost exclusively. This is worth noting: ‘Cruelty free’ on a label does not mean vegan. Cruelty free is great—it means not tested on animals; however, cruelty free does not equal vegan.

For example, a beauty product can contain common animal-derived ingredients like honey, beeswax, lanolin (wool grease), squalene (shark liver oil), carmine (crushed up beetles), gelatin (cow or pig bones, tendons and ligaments), allantoin (cow urine), ambergris (whale vomit) and placenta (sheep organs), but the final product is not tested on animals. So it’s labeled cruelty free. But it is not vegan.

On the other hand, a product itself could contain no animal-derived products, but because of certain laws, it may be required to be tested on animals, so it doesn’t meet all the requirements to be labeled as vegan. This is where the ‘almost exclusively’ has come into play for me with a product I use. 

I have some clothes, shoes, accessories, furniture, etc that includes leather, fur or feathers. And that’s okay. I’m conscious of the purchases I make now, and they’re different than they were before. 

So where does that leave me? 

Making choices that align with my soul. Letting go of labels and embracing this beautiful plant-based lifestyle that has done so much for my health and my heart. 

Sometimes wearing leather shoes or feathers in my ear. Sometimes eating a beignet in New Orleans with my loves. So when you see me and want to think, “She’s a hypocrite, I thought she was vegan”, remember this article. Remember that your triggers are your teachers. Remember that when we point at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at us.

Give me grace. Give yourself grace. We are all in this life together. We are all walking each other home. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. We are all figuring it out as we go. We are all perfectly imperfect. We are all worthy and deserving of love. 

We all have the right to change our minds, over and over again. You are not obligated to be the same person you were 5 years ago, 5 months ago, 5 weeks ago or even 5 minutes ago. At the drop of a hat, you can change your mind.

Speaking of hats: How do you become a hat person if you’re not a hat person? You start by buying the hat.